I’m going to jump right in and explain to you first how taken aback I was to be told I was his side chick. Actually he said “you know you are my North Carolina chick”. Ugh, no sir, I didn’t know that. I felt disrespected. I felt fooled. I felt used. I kicked myself over and over because how did I miss the signs. How did I not see he had another woman in his life? How did he fool me?


I met this guy originally online. I don’t really want to give it too much information about him… because who is isn’t important. We had a lot in common, one thing being we were both new to Charlotte and we were both looking for friends. At the time, I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend. I was just getting over a somewhat devastating break up so I wasn’t looking to jump back into anything immediately. I can remember the one thing I liked about being around him was that he never pressured me for information about my ex or other relationships I had outside him. When we were together, it was all about us. It was quite fun and I appreciated that.


He had a good job, his own place, and was educated. He met a lot of my standards. He could take a joke and we could talk sports. I really liked him. Things were just peaceful when I was around him. I liked the fact I didn’t know his back story and he want trying to learn mine. There was no pressure, absolutely no pressure. With him, it was “ just enjoy the moment”… And we did.


Hindsight, I realized it was this “ignoring each other’s outside lives” that led to me being blindsided. We had just watched a movie at his place and I was packing my stuff up to go. I remember giving him a hug and he gave me the forehead kiss and said ”I’ll be in reachable for a week or so”.


I replied “really, you have to work out the country?”


He lightly chuckled and said, “Nah, my girl is coming into town.”


Record screech!!!!!!!!!! TF my niggaa? (I thought in my head).


In real life I was left speechless. I tried to move my mouth but nothing came out. Here I am, thinking something magical is happening and BAM!!! He says…. “Nah, my girl is coming into town”.

When I got it together I replied, “Your girl? You never told me you had a girl?”.

“You never asked” he replied with a careless shrug.

Again I was left speechless. Nothing would come out. Finally I was able to push out, “ what are we doing here then? What’s up with us?”

He nonchalantly answered with, “You know you my North Carolina chick”.


At the time I wasn’t really a practicing Christian so my response was “ No muthaucker I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me…. Good night!!!!”. And I left.


I’m not going to say we didn’t talk afterwards. We did, but I just couldn’t bring myself to accept the role as “side chick”. He was mad cool and I like what we had. I just couldn’t play second chair to another woman knowing I deserve so much more.


Ironically at the same time I had met another guy who let me know upfront he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t (and I emphasize wasn’t) going to cheat on her. He ended up becoming my best friend. He also ended up becoming my husband.


I’m not going to leave you with a profound statement and instruct you not to be a side chick. Just determine your worth, and let that be the gauge on how you allow others to treat you. “Jesus didn’t die on the cross for you to become a side chick”…. That’s what I told myself.


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