I literally looked in the mirror the other day and couldn’t recognize myself. I had on one of the wigs I made and it was laid. Picture it, deep wave 360 frontal wig. All the baby hairs were in place and you could look at it and say… “what wig?” I was cute and everything, but I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. Do wigs play that big of a role in masking one’s true self.
Part of my creative personality entails me constantly changing my looks. I change frequently. I have had red hair, blue hair, aqua hair, and currently I rock the blonde look. I wear all kinds of wigs, most of which I make. Long, short, curly, wavy, and even braids. I change my look all the time. After looking in the mirror and not knowing who was staring back at me, I begin to think about why I change so much. Am I looking for someone who’s not there or am I legit trying to express my creativeness.
The lines are blurred for me. Sometimes, I change my look because I have had bad month and I am eager to disassociate myself from the events that lead me to my down mood. Sometimes, I just feel good and want my look to reflect it. Sometimes I’m not sure how I feel so I change my hair because I enjoy the process of changing my look. And sometimes I change just because I feel like that is the only thing I have control over.
Tamar Braxton ditched her wigs and shaved her hair off. She was searching for control over her life as well and decided it was in her hair. No more wigs, no more hair period. Willow Smith did the same thing. She had a hit song on the radio and said, I don’t want the industry to have control over me, I’m shaving my hair. I too came to that moment. I found myself in this place where I had a head full of beautiful hair, but I had just come out of a bad time in my life. To solidify the complete change and transformation I had just gone through I cut my hair all the way off. But then there comes this time where there is no more hair to cut off and you still want to change.
Here is where the lines began to blur. Sure, making wigs and wig shopping is therapeutic for me, but wearing the wig… something completely different. It’s cool for a week, but then I find myself searching for the real DFitz and can’t find her especially while rocking the 360 frontal wig. So after all the time and effort I put into buying the hair, making the wig, installing the wig, and maintaining, I find myself developing a slight distaste for it. I soon snatch it off and begin searching on Pinterest for my next hair color.
I’m no psychologist so I can’t really pinpoint the issue here, but I do know I have some kind of identity thing going on. I’m searching for something that I know I can’t find in a wig. Many times I just try to embrace God in me and search for Him in my identity. I really love wearing wigs but I don’t like losing myself in the process.