In Blog, Life Experiences, Sex

My oral sex story…. (insert face palm)

For the longest I thought this story was hilarious. It wasn’t until recently that I really understood just how serious it was. Subconsciously, I believe I knew what happen wasn’t good. I can even remember my heart racing and adrenaline pumping when it was happening. Yet I used my only source of defense to escape the situation… humor.

 

I don’t remember his name. I barely remember his face. Actually, I don’t even remember his face. I have this thing I do where I block out people I don’t like and completely wipe their existence from my memory.  Now, I do remember him pursuing me heavy and wanting to take me out to dinner. I was a freshman in college and I recall him being either a sophomore or junior. When I started college I was 17 years old. I kept that a secret from everyone because I knew I would have been ostracized from all the cool activities, clubs and of course the guys.

 

After multiple attempts on his part of asking me out, I finally accepted. I didn’t like him, but I quickly understood that as a freshman in college with little money, dates where the way to get nice meals. Part of my hesitation to go out with him came from my age. I didn’t know much at the time about dating, but I knew the age thing was a deal breaker for a lot. I liked to tread lightly.

 

Anyway, he took me out to this gourmet American Food place. I vaguely remember that. I do recall it being a really nice place and the burgers were awesome. I can somewhat remember him making me laugh often. Actually, as it slowly comes back to me, he did make me laugh. I like to clown around and use my humor to make people comfortable around me. For some odd reason it’s hard to get me laughing, but he could do it. I really appreciated that.

 

After dinner he suggested we go to his place to play Madden. At the time I was pretty good at playing the video game and I sincerely thought that’s what he wanted to do. (This is where my young mind took over). I was amped. In my head I’m thinking that I’m about  to hustle him out of some money. If he’s anything like the guys at the Student Union, then he probably thinks I can’t play. I’ll pretend I can’t really play, then wager about $10 on a game. Then  I’ll convince him to put $60 on the game or first to 21 match up. It didn’t quite go as planned.

 

As soon as he turns the game on he sits really close next to me and starts looking at me funny. I blush a little but like I said earlier I didn’t really like him. I friendzoned him early. He had this “I want you ” look on his face, but it made me queasy. I ignore it. I sent back those “I don’t want you” vibes.  He then complimented how I smelled. He put his nose on my neck and sniffs really hard. I’m thinking, “just pick up your controller.”

 

At this point I’m getting uncomfortable and I am slowly realizing I won’t be hustling tonight. Then he gets even closer and starts licking my neck. I playfully push him away but he pushed back. He then puts his hand on the back of my neck and with his free hand he starts unbuckling his pants.

 

At this point  I’m trying to figure out what I did to make him think I wanted this. We never even talked about sex. Honestly, I didn’t even know what “giving head was”. I was piecing things together as the night unfolded. He started pushing my head down to his lap. I kept my composer because I was taught never to show fear, but I was lowkey freaking out because he was fully exposed.

 

My heart was racing. His grip on my head was strong. This was not how my night was suppose to go! After twisting and turning, I somehow escaped his grip. Things were  happening too fast. I looked at him in disgust. I stood up and dropped my controller. He was looking shocked like I had done something wrong. “What? I can’t get no head?” he asked.

 

“Nigga!” I replied, “ All you did was buy me a hamburger! You can’t get all that for a hamburger!” He was stunned. I was disgusted. We had a stare off. After what seemed like a hour (actually about five seconds) he started laughing. He said, “Man, you right.”

 

I started laughing too because things had gotten super serious and I was now super nervous. I was only 17 and didn’t want to get him in trouble. He thought I was 18 so if anything went down, he would go to jail. (Youthful thoughts) He asked if I was ready to go home. He ruined the night with that aggressive advance, so yes, I was ready to go.

 

I didn’t talk to him after that. I curved him so bad. I was really embarrassed and never told anyone what happen. I was praying he wasn’t running his mouth either. I buried that experience in the back of my mind. I didn’t remember it until this #metoo movement started. At the time, I thought it was my fault. I replayed everything in my head to figure out what I did to make him think I was interested in that. I draw a blank every time.

 

I still find it funny, but I know it really it wasn’t. My reaction was funny, but what he was trying to do was serious. Things could have gone real bad. He was trying to force me to perform oral sex on him. He thought I owed him that because he took me to dinner. Years later I know I did nothing wrong. It wasn’t me, it was his own distorted thinking. I just hope it stopped with me. I hope I shattered his confidence and he didn’t try that with anyone else.

 

Moms I encourage you to talk about oral sex with your daughters when you have the sex talk. I was caught off guard. Let them know a burger does not constitute oral sex,. More like a wedding ring…and a car…and a house…and stable life…std free….you get the point.

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